one time chatgpt told me i looked like Sofía vergara it sent me on an emotional roller coaster
Let's be clear that I don't not look like Sofía Vergara but in the exact same sense I look nothing like Sofía Vergara. If you know me, let me have this one.
This whole saga starts with me figuring that now that I'm an adult it was time to find the best way to do my makeup. I unfortunately live in a hick town (Bozeman I am so sorry but you're missing some amenities) with no Sephora, so I took to ChatGPT. I am an AI fan, I open my AI chats with please and end with thank you to hedge against that artificality going real, if it happens, at least I lead with kindness. I wasn't sure what ChatGPT would do for me, but I felt like it was worth a shot, because God forbid I find out black eyeliner doesn't work for me. I uploaded a couple pictures and asked who my celebrity doppelganger was. It said: well actually I can't do that. ???? Okay. Do something (please). It listed my features and then celebrities that also have those features, narrowing it down to two celebrities that I likely resemble most: Dakota Johnson and Sofía Vergara. GAGGED. Roller coaster takes off, we're going 0-45, my seat belt tightens, because in that moment I could actually feel my ego swell, like deep within me I felt my heart beat a little hotter and my lungs filled with slay.
Now don't get me wrong, Dakota Johnson is famous in my book; funny, witty, pretty and dislikes Ellen. That being said, my forehead is normal sized and I don't think ChatGPT got my genius wit and exuberant comedic style from my pictures. So cheers Dakota (twin), I do like how you dress and your bangs and both of those things are littered throughout my pinterest boards.
But Sofía Vergaraaaaaa. How could a girl not be drastically affected by this? It all started to make sense in my brain, I've never really had a boyfriend because I AM TOO BEAUTIFUL. How could I expect someone to handle that? Everyone always thinks I’m a bitch because I AM TOO BEAUTIFUL. Jealousy is a disease. I tease it in the group chat, my friends let me have it, at least they don't tell me no. I grow more narcissistic. Roller coaster is on full speed, people are travelling to see how fast this bad boy (my ego) goes, we have to be nearing the top, I'm almost out of control. I am full of charm and my eyes twinkle wherever I go for the next couple weeks till I get distracted by other things and stop thinking about how Sofía Vergara looks back at me in the mirror. UNTIL. I soft launch my blog at dinner with my parents and mention a possible topic being like beauty and styling and how the internet thinks I look like Sofía Vergara…my dad LAUGHS. Roller coaster upside down, there's blood in my eyes, one of my pupils is larger than the other, I'm concussed at the very least, if not worse, honestly I might be dead. Gagged again, this time in a bad way. I have long said things that my father disagrees with, or shares a different viewpoint of, but those cases are generally met with an eye roll or a disapproving head nod (that lets me know I'm on the right track). But a LAUGH? Heartbreaking, he genuinely thought I was joking. I was speechless, hurt, traumatized, I made a note to look at the lowest rated old people facilities, and filter down for those with elder abuse allegations. After I had cancelled my father forever, removed all the love that I had previously held for him, and made another note that maybe I will hit the garage door when I pull into my parking spot next time, I was sat face to face with the hard truth, I may not look like Sofía Vergara. Roller coaster off, halted, broken, electric problems, someone probably has a lawsuit against it.
Here’s the things that Sofía Vergara and I have in common: brownish hair that is consistently styled with a blowout, straight teeth and lucky on the top half. Roller coaster moving again, maybe up? Given I am deeply American leaning scandinavian/german, it was a stretch in the first place. However, that did not stop me from acting a little different from that moment on. I miss the girl I was from 12/18/2024 - 1/7/2025.
But here’s the truth: I may not actually look like Sofía Vergara (I do), and that’s okay. Because Sofía Vergara isn’t about the cheekbones, the accent, just the general bombshell aesthetic, it's about AI thinking you look like her. It's about having enough about you that is Sofía Vergara coded that you are her. At the very least, her on a good day. Roller coaster is safely grounded, but a little higher and more famous than before. And frankly, what does my dad know anyway? He’s literally bald, which disqualifies him from any aesthetic commentary. His opinion is irrelevant, null, void—just like his hairline. Meanwhile, I still look like Sofía Vergara, I continue to pull off a blow out, dress boob forward and crack a sparkling smile rivaling anything I was doing before I asked (nicely) who my celebrity doppelganger is.
Let this be a lesson to you all, not that I look like Sofía Vergara (I do) but that AI can have dangerous consequences and not the ones on FOX news, but the ones that will have you staring at yourself in the mirror whenever possible and wishing ill upon your father.